And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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