I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she smelled like a LAN party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My vagina is very pro this idea
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
