My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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