Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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