I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
