Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
