there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
vagina is talking i cant
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
