i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's official drugs can't kill me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize