bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
