I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
where are my eyebrows?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
