It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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