Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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