Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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