but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
