I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
