is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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