I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
