If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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