I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
