im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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