I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
