Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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