Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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