Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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