if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
