I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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