No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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