Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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