To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
