i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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