Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
