just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
