OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
