True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
