i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
