Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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