she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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