I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
