i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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