He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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