I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
