i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am naked and annoyed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
