there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
