you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
