xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
