Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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