remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
