I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
