They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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