he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
