I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
