she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
