Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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