cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
