Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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