tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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