tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
