Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
