When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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