Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
