You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
