You're so nebulous sometimes
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In other news, I just burned my penis
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
