There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dick very happy bro
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