Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
