Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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