I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
