The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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