My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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