6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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