p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
