Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
