I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize