I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
