Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
