What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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