I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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