The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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