The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
