I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize