now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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