its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
