Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
