just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
