Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am available for nakedness
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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