Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
