I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
