i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
