dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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