she looked like the before picture.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
