i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
