i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
