so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
