What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
