My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
