New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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