It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
