this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
