Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
