I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
