I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize