if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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