I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
